There are lots of perennial myths revolving around the act of sex. One of the well-known ones- sex hurts for the first time. The dread of pain, along with a bit of bleeding, makes it impossible not to be anxious. The first experience must be magical. But, the prospect of pain is terrifying.[1]
The truth is- Yes. Experiencing a little bit of discomfort is
common among most women trying for the first time. However, it is not always
the case. In fact, there are ways through which the initial pain can be
alleviated. This article will shed light on these very issues.
What happens differently during the first time?
A large number of factors may be responsible for the pain experienced by females during sex for the first time. The generally accepted definition of “losing your virginity” refers to the first penile-vaginal sex of your life. For some, penetration is the turning point. Others might also consider oral stimulation, masturbation, or anal sex as the threshold.[2]
Thus, the generally accepted definition is compressible and variable from person to person. Decide a version suitable for yourself- some even consider stimulation or toy penetration to be equivalent to “losing your virginity.”[3]
Other than the stretching of vaginal(or anal) muscles during stimulation/penetration- the pain during sex can result due to a large number of factors, including:
- Vaginal Dryness.
- Infections- Yeast infections, Urinary Tract Infections, and others.
- Inflammations, including vaginitis and pelvic inflammatory disease.
- Endometriosis, and cystitis
- Involuntary vaginal muscle contraction, or Vaginismus.
- Possible allergic reactions. Reactions to condoms or lubes.
Understanding your Anatomy
Familiar with the word hymen? Most of the discomfort that happens while having vaginal sex for the first time is due to the hymen stretching. The stretching also leads to bleeding during the first intercourse.[4]
Hymen is a thin tissue that envelopes the entrance to the vagina- partially or fully. The hymen opening differs in size from person to person. It can also be thick or thin. The elasticity of the hymen depends on its thickness.[5]
A less stretchy hymen is what results in most of the initial pain and the bleeding among women. In reality, 99.9% of women have a perforated hymen? Shocking. How do you assume blood gets out during periods?
An assumption of the partner’s penis size being the cause of pain is unreasonable for most of the time. The average size of an erect human penis is around 5 to 7 inches. While the average length of the vagina is usually between three to seven inches, it must not be forgotten that the vagina is highly stretchable during sex and childbirth.
The other possible causes make more sense. Some of the reasons for pain during or after sex are infections(STIs), allergic reaction to condoms or lubricants, vaginismus, and more.
Losing your Virginity without Pain
It is not possible to ensure that your first time experience will be completely painless. However, the following tips will help you to make the first time experience a pleasant memory in the years to come.[6]
1. Communicate with your Partner
Sex is one of the most basic yet intimate human acts. Understanding your likes, preferences, and discomfort is important. Equally important is letting your partner know- be it your spouse, partner, friend, or acquaintance.
Be honest and open. Do not hesitate in the slightest about opening up to your partner about your concerns- anything and everything. Being vulnerable is not a moment of weakness. After all, you will be sharing your body with that person. This gives you every right to express how you feel- before, after, and during sex.
2. A pre warmup routine is helpful
Friction due to a dry surface is both painful and uncomfortable. The best way to resolve the issue is by ensuring proper lubrication before you and your partner indulge yourselves fully in the deed. This way, you can increase your chances of having a great memorable experience- with less first-time sex pain. This is why foreplay is often rated more important than sex itself.[7]
Try to arouse each other. There are many things that both you and your partner can actually do to evoke erotic feelings. For starters, try taking a steamy shower along with your partner. Whispering naughty nothings into each other’s ear is great for enticing each other. Kissing, touching, oral sex, stimulation- try anything that keeps things burning, and moist.
In addition to setting things up for sex, foreplay can also elevate the pleasure levels up to a great extent. The woman’s body is built differently. Find out your pleasure spots. This is helpful for both you and your partner.[8]
3. Lubes are Helpful
There are different types of lubricants available online or in the market. They ease the process of sliding in and out- making it less painful. Lubricants are also recommended for anal sex- as there is no natural lubrication inside the anus. Several women also use them while using fingers or sex toys.[9]
Avoid anything oil-based in case your partner uses a condom. The oil can create a hole in the condom- rendering it useless. Instead, switch to a water-based lubricant.
4. Switch positions if you feel uncomfortable
Changing sex positions can help in alleviating the pain that you might experience during sex. Adventurous and acrobatic positions can greatly enhance the experience for both you and your partner. However, experts recommend keeping things for your first time- safe and simple- instead of experimenting. Use a pillow or two below your pelvis if necessary.
The position selection depends on both of your genitals and the type of sexual activity you want to indulge in.[10]
Recommended positions for first-timers include:
- Missionary (Man on top, Woman on
back)
- Cowgirl (Woman on top, Man on Back)
- Doggy Style (Man from behind, woman on all-fours)
5. Set Practical Goals
One of the best ways to relieve yourself of anxiety and pressure is by setting practical and realistic goals. For both men and women, this is a big step. Sure, you want the moment to be just right and perfect. The need to have your partner receive an orgasm might be the most important thing on your mind. While you are not wrong- there is actually no need to feel bad about yourself.
It is possible to give and receive an orgasm the first time you are having sex- but that is not always the case. Like any other learnable activity (e.g., driving, swimming, or riding)- your skill in sex improves with practice. Practicality is key- do not go dreaming about an unreal fantasy, as shown in movies.[11]
6. Slow and Steady Wins the Race
Awareness is a great virtue. Nervousness won’t be helping you in any way- other than hastening the entire act (and probably ruining the experience for your partner).
Be slow, gentle, and attentive to your partner. Pick up the pace if you both feel like it. Going slow is especially recommended during the first time. It allows relaxation of the vaginal(or anal) muscles. The way you can get accustomed to the feeling of penetration. Communicate with your partner if you want to take things slower or faster. Unlike the film scenes- a little bedtime humor can result in a more intimate experience.[12]
Cautionary Advice for your First time
There is no doubt that the first sex experience is special and memorable. However, the following information must be kept in mind before you get on with the deed.
- Contracting a Sexually Transmitted Infection(STI) is not impossible, even for the first time. Always use protection and preventive measures. Possible STIs/contractions include:
- Chlamydia
- Gonorrhea
- Genital Herpes
- HPV (Human papillomaVirus)
- HIV
- Penis In Vagina Sex can result in pregnancy for the first time too. Ensure the necessary use of suitable contraceptive options from the following:
- Oral contraceptives (The Pill)
- IUDs or intrauterine devices
- Birth Control Implants
- Depo-Provera (aka the Shot)
- Condoms
Conclusion:
Your first-time
sex experience does not need to be a painful, nightmarish experience. Take precautions and reduce stress to have a pleasant, memorable, and
enjoyable experience. Do not forget
to use a condom or other barrier-method contraceptive options. This
protects you from unwanted pregnancy, as well as STI/STDs.[13]
[1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5437416/
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